There have been many time, since I started creating art, that I have felt fraudulent.
At the beginning it was a lot about not feeling "good enough" or "qualified" to call myself an artist. This feeling has lessened with time.
More recently (especially in the past couple of years), I have felt like a fraud about all the "Happy" and "Hope" artwork I create. It seemed to me, that someone who claims to be "bringing a little bit of HAPPY into the world" and completes a #75DaysofHope project should have happiness and hopefulness all figured out. Right? I mean, obviously, with all that positivity, I should be consumed with joy and gratefulness all the time... RIGHT?
But, the thing is, I don't have this all figured out. There are days when I don't feel very optimistic. And there are times when I struggle to see the good. There are moments when hope is elusive... more than I would like to admit.
Recently, I started doing morning mediations with, executive coach, Juan Alvarez (8am every morning -free!- on Instagram: @consciousexecutivecoach) and one morning, my feelings of fraudulence became my focus.
Let me explain.
Juan had us do and exercise of imagining that we were sitting across from ourselves during a difficult time. We had to ask ourselves, "What do you need?". And we were told to breathe in the difficult emotion and breathe out the good stuff that we need.
After a few times of silently breathing in the hard stuff and breathing out the good, an AHA feeling overcame me...
My artwork. It is exactly this... My art a reflection of what I NEED.
And, it is NOT a declaration that I am a constantly happy and hopeful person.
Instead, it is my way of giving myself happiness and hope.
During that same meditation, Juan went on to talk about how our pain - all of our pain - is really shared energy and, so putting the good of what we individually need out into the world, is beneficial for everyone.
This is exactly why I do art... to add more happiness and hope into the world.
Ahhhh, such a big relief! I can begin to release those feelings of fraudulence!
And that feels so good!
Thank you Juan (and thank you Debbie Phillips of Women on Fire for introducing me to Juan)!
Make it a HAPPY day!