A confession, RE: my One a Week Art Challenge

For the past 40+ weeks, on my blog, when I have posted each piece of the week, I have shared a little bit about why I created it or the meaning behind the piece, or a poem related to the artwork, or my inspiration for that week's art. You might have noticed that this week, I did not have much to say about my artwork. There is a reason…a confession, really.

My confession is that for the past month or so, I have been really struggling. Struggling to find inspiration. Struggling to decide what to create. And, struggling to create anything. The enthusiasm and passion I had had in the first half (and more) of the year is MIA.

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Now...before I go on telling my tale of woe, I need to pause and let you know that I realize the ridiculousness of what I am saying. I mean, "Woe is me, I am having art problems.” Seriously, if that is my biggest woe, then I have it good. There are real problems in life and this is soooo minuscule. ​

But I share this with you because, well, right now, it is my truth. And, because I have come to understand something important about this time of struggle.

I really wanted to blow through this One a Week Art Challenge and tell you about how easy-breezy it was. I wanted to share with you how I was inspired, each and every week, to create a masterpiece. I wanted to tell you that I loved all of the artwork that I have created and that there was no way I could choose my favorite. I wanted to grow as an artist and believe that my art was getting better and better with each piece.

And at some point and time throughout this year, each and every one of those statements, were true. But right now, I am not sure if any of them are. I am second-guessing myself and my abilities. I am in the muck - thick, sticky, heavy muck - of this weekly challenge, and I am barely plodding through it.

My motivation is missing, my inspiration is lacking, and my confidence feels hollow. At this point the only thing keeping me going is the commitment that I made.

So it goes like this…
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I go to my art studio
Planning to create
I start
It feels wrong
I stop
I look for inspiration
Find none
I get discouraged
I take a break
Hoping that inspiration will hit
I get an idea
I go back to my art studio
Try again…
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Hoping that the cycle doesn’t continue
Hoping that I create a piece I love
Determined to create one piece each week

It wasn’t like this before. The resistance wasn’t so strong. The inspiration came easier. My motivation was present. And, sometimes it even felt like the art created itself.

I don’t tell you this to gain your sympathies. Nor am I looking for praise.

I am sharing this with you because, I have discovered that this place of angst, frustration, and downtrodden-ness, is simply (but not simple) part of the process. And, as is true with anything important in life, the only way through is persistence.

So, onward (with my fingers crossed – hoping that this week will be easier).
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9 weeks to go!